Was in a bar yesterday (12 May) to meet someone who was notoriously late for appointments therefore had a good half an hour to kill. I’ve never known her to be on time for me in over ten years so to kill this time I sat down with Carlsberg for some company. Bored, I was drawn to the utter drivel scribbled on the chalkboards.
The red wine, I think a Shiraz, had the character of cherries, Jesus, I never knew that cherries had a character. It’s like saying I once knew several cherries, one was rotten to the pip, the other was cynical, whilst the other was honest and reliable, and that I once knew a fleshy cherry, she was a bit of a tease, used to drive me mental on a bad day, madness!
Further down the chalkboard, a red Zinfandel was described as having a rusty red colour, which I can cope with, a fruity bouquet, well that’s beginning to push it for me, but when the landlord tries to convince me that this £8.99 (not cheap) bottle of red has a slightly herbaceous undercurrent, I begin to think “what the fuck?” (Or, I begin to think, bouquet of Garni floating in a glass of red wine).
Even further down the chalkboard was a red Merlot at £12.99, which apparently was pleasantly fruity and which was reminiscent of raspberries, yeah sure, I can imagine necking back the wine, then suddenly pausing, head straight back, and reminiscing about over-ripe raspberries, no, I don’t think so.
Barely legible but squeezed in at the bottom of the chalkboard was a Pinot Noir (£13.99) which apparently was delicate on the nose! How can that honestly be? It’s all to do with wine snobbery and having a “wine of the month”, isn’t that so very fucking nice for the wine. It reminded me of a factory in Edmonton, North London that used to proudly display, on the side of its warehouse, a “veneer of the month,” so ok lets drive straight off the A406 and buy several sheets of veneer and re-panel the living room! Cheap marketing techniques designed to fool the mass, ridiculous!
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